My So-Called Life

life

If you are in your 30's (and even if you aren't) you may remember the tv-show drama from the mid-90's called "My So-Called Life".  It was about high school students, one girl in particular, trying to find their place, their way, in this crazy world.  I related to this back then, and really still do today. 

In highschool I was shy, but still outgoing.  Quiet, but well known.  I had a best friend and we were absolutely inseperable for all 4 years.  I realize now that in our relationship I always hopped into the submissive, passenger seat in our relationship.  At the time, that was perfect for me.  As a result, I did really well at blending in to my surroundings.  I never wanted to stick out and be known for something specific, as it terrified me to my core.  My ability to blend transformed me into a chameleon and I discovered that it was easy to be a part of a crowd then to be set apart from the crowd.

For your visual entertainment, here are some hilarious high school photos of me:

Ahhh...freshman year...included at no extra charge are the hair-sprayed and teased bangs and the fake smile!

The classic photo booth shot

Graduation night!

I have 4 years full of memories from high school, some great...some not so great.  But, what I realized is that most of them weren't my memories.  They were memories that I was there for, that I participated in, but it didn't really go beyond that.  I had convinced myself that without sports, popularity, the cheerleading squad or a boyfriend to hang on to, that my "place" was my grades.  So I did good in school, I guess because that finally gave me the identity I was missing. 

But it was safe.  Unchallenging.  Comfortable.

Today, those are the 3 words I am running from.  Running because if I walk I am afraid they will catch right up to me and I will be back where I started.

This wake up call has not only made me re-evaluate my own priorities, but even my relationships with other people.  My revelation was that over the past 20 years, key friendships in my life have almost always led me to be the understudy or the apprentice.   I convinced myself that was the kind of person I was.  I have never had strong opinions in life about much of anything and the most heartbreaking realization was my apathy for the one thing that had been saving me.....God.

I wonder now what kind of person I may have been in high school and college if I had discovered my identity rests in Christ, not in friendships?  How many opportunities to share the love of God were lost due to my own self doubt? Could I have, would I have made a difference?  One of the biggest questions in my head over the last few years has been "what difference do I make, anyway?".   I got married in my mid 20's, had 2 kids and I live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house in a cul-de-sac. 

So what?  So what does that prove?  My success as a person "making it" in society?  Today, for me, it proves that I have a lot to learn about myself, about my God, and about my purpose.  This patient, kind, forgiving, encouraging, loving God was all I had ever needed, but I had been running from His outstretched hand for as long as I could remember.

The amazing part is now, almost 2 decades later, I know that I am moving forward.

I have known of Him for 20 years.  Now I hunger to know Him.

So, as I look back at my teens and 20's, I remember "My So-Called Life" and what might have been.  And then I remember that through the sacrifice that Jesus made for us, and by the love and grace of God, "My Life Is So Called" to be more than just status quo, more than just a shadow, more than just a good grade.

We are called to be MORE.

So....your turn.  Fill in the blank:  "My Life Is So Called to_________"

God Bless!
Andrea